Killing Me Softly

If you’ve gotten to know me well, you should know two things about me: I love Jesus, and one of my favorite artists of all time is Lauryn Hill. It may seem strange to place these two statements in the same sentence, but I’m getting somewhere.

Last year, as a result of, one, conversing with God, and two, listening to one of my favorite podcasters, the concepts of suffering and surrender weighed heavily on my mind. In this context, I’m referring to the suffering that Paul talks about in 2 Timothy 4:5: the amalgamation of persecution, tribulations, and spiritual warfare that you experience as a disciple of Christ. And surrender means to fully devote yourself to Christ by giving up your plans and submitting to His will and His way.

These two concepts of suffering and surrender are related because they both speak to the reality of what happens when you decide to serve Jesus, picking up your cross and following Him: it hurts. It doesn’t feel good.

Let’s be clear: life with Jesus is much better than life without Him. I can wholeheartedly say that serving Jesus has brought me a peace, joy, and fulfillment that nothing and no one else can even come close to giving me. However, I would be lying if I said that my life has been free of pain. In fact, in some ways, being a disciple of Christ is harder. But it’s a good type of hard — one that has eternal significance and reward. Let me explain.

Now, back to Lauryn Hill. Stay with me. 

The Fugees — the group Ms. Hill was a part of — has a song called “Killing Me Softly with His Song.” Classic. 

In the chorus, Ms. Hill sings:

“Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

Killing me softly with his song

Telling my whole life with his words

Killing me softly with his song...”

The song is about experiencing a deep emotional connection to music in a dichotomous way, where the lyrics, rhythms, and melodies make you feel seen but also expose you to your pain. With the musician “strumming [your] pain” and “singing [your] life” back to you, you’re left feeling validated yet vulnerable.

Such is a life with Jesus.

He is Yahweh. He is Shalom, Peace. Rapha, Healer. Jireh, Provider. Nissi, Banner. He is Love. He is the source of all that is good. He is all we need. He is everything. So by being connected to Him, we experience a life of purpose, peace, contentment, joy, love, victory, favor, blessings, and all that is good.

But when we choose to serve Jesus, we’re also choosing to die to our flesh daily. The Bible says in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” God is constantly pruning us. Because His ways are perfect, and He aims to make us more like Him every day, His pruning is good. And it’s for our good. But it hurts. 

He’s killing us softly.

A life surrendered to the Spirit is one of dying to the flesh. It’s a fight. It’s painful. It’s difficult. But it’s the most rewarding. And God gives us a grace for it. 

Sometimes, that may look like swallowing your pride and apologizing to your parent, when before, you would’ve lashed out. Sometimes, that may look like saving your money instead of spending your whole paycheck on new clothes, like you used to do. Sometimes, that may look like going on a fast and cutting out all distractions, including foods and entertainment. Sometimes, it’s more extreme, like ending a relationship or breaking a 20-year-old habit or never listening to a certain artist again or never smoking again.

Whatever the Lord leads you to do, and whenever He leads you to do it, it won’t always be easy. More often than not, it may hurt a little … or a lot. It’s a sacrifice. But if your true desire is to serve Him and surrender to Him, you’ll want to do it. It’s like that workout that hurts so good. Like a hug and a push. Encouragement and a rebuke.

As a disciple of Jesus, you’re dying to self, but through His gentle love… through the Helper, who sanctifies you. Killing you softly…

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Ephesians 4:22-24: “…to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness”

John 15:2: "Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that bears fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit" 

Hebrews 12:11: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it"

Matthew 7:13-14: “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it”